i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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