just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
