my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
