I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
