Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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