does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
