Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
