Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This baby is an asshole
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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