I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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