I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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