So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
