okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
