I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
