part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
