Screwed.edu
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
pop tarts are not kleenex
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize