you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
