i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize