would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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