Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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