There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
