I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
