While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
