I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
