like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
