Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
