dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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