I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
