You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You made out with two different species that night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
