why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
