i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
