i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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