i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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