bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
