two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
