The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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