mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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