i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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