Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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