my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They have beer where we have blood.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
