So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Damn victory sex feels great
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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