I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
