dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
