I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
