just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
