You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
