Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
