whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize