Your mouth is God's brothel.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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