i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
