Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize