i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
