So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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