your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
