Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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