Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize