it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't turn off my feet"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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