And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
