I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
