I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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