It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
