Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
