Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
