proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
